I am nature and I will come out of ashes.

Too broken to fight yet too hurt to not to fight. Hatred, mistrust, anger towards people and relations, at the same time too disappointed, weak, and losing whatever confidence was there in oneself.

I don’t know if it is a mixed feeling or if there is no feeling at all. I am not only hurt, I am hurting and punishing too and this is killing me more. It’s like I am living in a storm from ages, the moment I find ground, and accept, to even live in that storm, it uproots me and screams at my face, “No! I won’t let you settle.”

And then I realised I am nature I don’t have to fight; I am nature, I have the power to come out of ashes. All I need to do is just stay calm, let go of ego, emotions and negativity. Just need to go with the flow of life and I am sure we all are gonna find our little sunshine.

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शून्य

अक्सर लोगों को यह कहते सुना है मैंने,

चंद दोस्त बनाये रखना, जो अंत में ले जायें काँधे पे तुझे।

जिस जिस्म को रूह छोड़ चली उस जिस्म से मोह कैसा

रिश्ते बनाने हैं तो दिल से बनाओ 

अंत तक मन में सिर्फ स्वार्थ रहे 

यह जीना भी कैसा जीना।

RUN FROM WHAT’S COMFORTABLE

Do you know what is life? Do you know what you want and have you got all the answers to the Why’s and What’s of your mind?

I don’t know if I will ever get mine answered, I am not even sure if I really want to know them. What, after you get all the answers?

At this point of my life I don’t know where I am and where I am going, may be few years back I knew what I wanted, and how I wanted it, but now I am clueless and that is the best part because when you have no idea you look for new ideas and they give you  a new perspective.

All our life we train ourselves to say NO, to make our life easy. But what fun it would be to say YES. NO is good but YES is amazing. Till forty I was happy with my NO’s. Now I am all set to make ripples and let those ripples make me.

It’s not that there is something wrong now or that earlier it was better, it’s just everything is new, unexpected, unplanned and I am loving it. I loved it then too but this is Full of possibilities.

I just realised we all are flowing into the stream of water. Sometimes it’s clean and clear, you can see everything, you enjoy the flow. Before you even think you are getting bored of the steadiness of the flow, you are thrown into the fall. From there it goes crazy, water pushes you down every time you find some strength to come up and breathe. In the beginning you love the excitement of it, untill you see this is just the beginning and that there are many many falls in front of you and you pray to go back to that steadiness.

Sometimes you are hit by rocks and sometimes you just get a hold of that same rock, take a breath on that very same rock which had torn you apart. That rock is now your saviour.

But then you again have to let it go into that very flow of possibilities. We pray for the shore.

No I don’t want it, I don’t seek the shore. I want to keep flowing till the end. Now only death will take me to the shore.

But then again it will be only my physical body at the shore.  My soul will be free to flow even then…

Happy Birthday Papa!

My dad had an amazing life, full of strange, weird, funny, naughty, exciting, daring experiences, you can add as many adjectives as you know under the sun.

He was born in a small village of Uttar Pradesh. It is an old saying that the chances to survive is meek if it is a third born child. 

My grandma had a very hard time giving birth to my dad, all the village ladies were afraid that they might lose both the child and mother, they were ready to let go of the child, anyway my dad came to this world alive and my grandma picked up her health after sometime.

My aunts used to tell me that “Your dad was so weak and worned off that they had to keep him half dipped in a big pan filled with musturd oil”. 

Wow! Isn’t it remarkable how in old days people used natural resources but with great respect and responsibility,  believed in their insticts and had an observant eye and had something or other for everything.

I don’t know if my dad is a born fighter or was just lucky. Well after so much pain and sacrifices my dad turned out to be a complete brat. He was one of those village kids who despite of being poor, very dark complexion and backward never bowed down to anything or anyone, yes he is our very own angry young man. 

You all must be thinking why I have highlighted cast, colour and poverty in a negative manner. But here what I wanted to say is you will be who you want to be, your attitude towards yourself will define you, not what colour you are of and what name or community you have.

Well going further with the story;

As a child I used to think that my dad must be a Super man, he can do everything, we just need to put finger on something and it was there. His knowledge in almost every field was impeccable.

No matter how strong a man he seems to be his heart is equally mushy. His love, care and dedication towards people around him, is unmatched. 

He is in his late 70s now, yet I have never seen him tired or down, touchwood. I wish he stays like that for many more years to come, Always full of life. 

Of course he is not a man of perfection. He has got flaws too and out of many, one that scares the hell out of me is, no not alcohol but driving. I am not really a big fan of his driving skills. People actually thank God, when they put their foot on ground. Yup, besides my brother he too taught me how to drive 🙂 and couple of months back he told me, I am an aggressive driver, and should drive carefully :))

Both my siblings and I always ask him to write about his life journey because he has told us few of his life incidents which are amazing but he never listens. Maybe some day I will right his biography. I know he is not some famous person but we all have some history and stories to tell which we must share.

I don’t know why I started writing about my dad, may be because of all the amazing stories he has told us or may be I still believe that he actually is superman. Reason could be anything or nothing.

When a person becomes a parent or a dad we expect them to be more responsible more sensible and more of everything, that we forget to see them as just a person who is more than a dad or mom, they are a child too, they feel young too.

They are more than just a superman, they are, a person with a world inside them.

ज़िन्दगी एक सफ़र।

धुल उड़ती सड़के,  धुँआ छोडती गाड़ियाँ

सड़क का सफ़र भी बड़ा अजब होता है।

एक गाँव से दूसरा गाँव,

एक शहर से दूसरा शहर,

सब बदलता रहा।

रहन सहन, बोल चाल खान पान

बादलों का रुख भी कई बार बदला

दिन से रात, रात से दिन भी बदली

कहीं सूखा कहीं हरियाली

कहीं दूर तक पानी ही पानी

और कहीं अंतहीन बंज़र ज़मीन।

रंग बदला ढंग बदला

जाने कितनी बार मेरा मन भी बदला

पर जो नहीं बदला 

वोह थी ज़िन्दगी

थोड़ी खुश मिजाज़ तोह थोड़ी दर्द भरी

कहीं बच्चे की किलकारी जैसी नयी

तोह कहीं किसी पेड़ के सूखे पत्ते की तरह 

अपनी आखरी पड़ाव की तैयार करती

ये ज़िन्दगी बस हर जगह एक ही जैसी।

कोमल मगर सशक्त।


पानी की बूंदे पत्थर पे पडे या शीशे पे,

अपना रास्ता बना ही लेंती हैं।

अपने मन का नहीं तो, जिस तरफ का बहाव हो वही सही

बस रूकती नहीं,तेज़ धुप जला भी दे

तो भी फिर आती  है।

मोती रुपी ओस की तरह,

कोमल, मासूम, साफ पर बड़ी सशक्त।

Love is no game.


A story of a guy.

He fell in love and lost everything. But he didn’t know life is more about money and power. Either we play it intentionally or we just bacome a pawn, in the game of chess, chess of life. He might have  started as a pawn but life taught him good enough to call it a check mate. But down the road winning the game of life, he lost something very important to him once, LOVE.